WHAT TO AVOID SAYING
âCome on, itâs just an animal!â
Itâs never âjustâ an animal. Your pet was a member of the familyâthere every day, at the door to greet you when you got home from work, snuggled up beside you when you watch TV, always ready to head out for a walk. Few living creatures shape our routine as much. When an animal passes away, our daily routines are turned upside down. Weâre reminded of their absence throughout the day and each time our hearts sink a little lower.
âYou can always get another one â¦â
In deep mourning, all we usually want is to have our animal back, not just to replace them which would feel like a betrayal. As with everything in life, time will help heal the wounds and maybe one day weâll be open to the idea of having âanother oneâ. For the time being at least, this isnât in the cards.
âFor me, when my Pistachio died â¦â
With all due respect, we donât want to hear about your animal. We want to talk about oursâthe crazy way they chased bees, the way they loved car rides with the windows down, the clumsy way they woke us up in the morning, the hurt look on their faces when theyâd done something wrong. Your intention is great, but your timingâs not ideal.
âHeâs better off where he is nowâ
Unfortunately, no one really knows. But we do recall how happy they were on their ripped up old cushion, perched on the windowsill spying on birds, or sprawled in front of the fireplace. So, itâs not really a consolation.
âAt least you had him for a long timeâ
Is it less painful to lose your pet at a ripe old age than to lose them at the hands of an unjust killer disease when theyâre in the prime of life? Not at all. Even if our animal had a long, happy life, we still donât want it to come to an end. And the weight of having picked their final day can be a lot to bear. Without mentioning those who had to decide on the timing of their petâs deathâa truly heavy weight to bear.
âItâs not that bad. Some people lose their children.â
Of course, itâs worse to lose a child. But life isnât a competition to see who can suffer the most! Knowing that some people face the terrible pain of losing their child doesnât lighten our own suffering.
WORDS THAT MAY HELP
âI donât know what to say but Iâm here if youâd like to talkâ
Frequently people donât know what to say. And thatâs fine. When youâve lost a dear soul, more than anything youâre looking for supportâa friendly presence and knowing you have someone you can count on. Thatâs all.
âJack was just so amazingâ
It feels good to hear that our animal made a positive impact on otherâs lives, that they were appreciated and recognized for being extraordinary. If you have a special memory, why not share it?
âIâm really sorry for your lossâ
Short and simple, but always effective. Even if youâre not especially partial to animals and donât âgetâ why someone could be so upset about the death of their dog, cat or turtle. Try to put yourself in their shoes and feel their pain.
âWould you like me to come with you to the vet clinic?â
This is the most generous gesture you can make. No one should have to face this daunting task all by themselves. Youâll not only provide a comforting human presence, you can also prevent them from leaving the clinic with an empty cageâor their animalâs collarâin their hands. And thatâs worth its weight in gold.